Friday, August 21, 2015

Family Values I've Learned From the Duggars

(Trigger warning: I'm going to mention pedophilia, incest, child abuse, and molestation in this post. Beware.) 

Yeah, I'm coming here.

Basically, I don't understand why people still report on the Duggar family. It's abundantly clear that they're icky, and also problematic af. They follow the creepy teachings of Gothard (some of which include spanking your babies with wooden paddles and only smiling, or else), but also do a bunch of other icky things.

Like, you know, hate on queer people. Because we ruin family values, or something. Let me list the family values I've learned from the Duggars:

1) Being queer is a sin, but molesting your siblings is fine: It totally wasn't weird, how the family handled everything once it came out. Of course, it wasn't a big deal that Josh did these things to his sisters. They are there as sexual objects, after all. That's why we need to make sure that he gets back to lobbying, so that we can make sure those queer people don't get to have any more rights and taint America. 

2) By all means, don't get your son help after he molests your daughters: Instead of sending your son to get mental health from an actual professional, I know what you should do. Send him to an all Christian center. Have him perform physical labor and pray all of the sin away. I'm sure that this will do him some good, so much that he'll be ready to come home after a few weeks. 

3) Women should stay with their husbands. No matter what: Obviously. Like, even though your husband never received legit help after molesting his sisters, you need to make sure that you always stay with him. Continue to have children with him, and have him around them. I'm sure that nothing horrible could happen as a result.

4) Ashley Madison accounts are totally fine: By all means, pay money for a website that will connect you with people to cheat on your spouse with. Even if she finds out, she won't leave you. Women aren't supposed to do that. 

5) My only role in life is to have babies: As many as possible. Because, after all, that's what God would want.


No comments:

Post a Comment